Seems a bit silly to do a review of an Existential Crisis, but we here at DoctorofStyle.com take great pride in giving the people what the people want. Some of you may have had, are going to have or want to have an Existential Crisis.
Now, as the Doctor of Style, I am fit as a fiddle when it comes to my mind, my existence and my goodies. So in order to get in the headspace needed to discuss in detail an Existential Crisis, I first enlisted my good buddy, Boom Boom LaBoof. We designed a plan that would propel us swiftly into major angst and depressive tendencies.
First we checked into a motel in Peru, Indiana and aggressively started a strong regiment of caffeine pills to simulate major sleep deprivation. Next we started drinking. Not trying to brag here, but we really started drinking. It was just nuts; all we drank was bottom-shelf gin. Boom Boom requested one song to play on repeat for the entire week: Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. Next came psychedelic drugs in large quantities with no regard for our health or safety. I hired one of the world’s most sadistic hypnotists, Sandy Roosterbelt, to instill in us great loss. Boom Boom chose to be hypnotized into believing all his family had been killed by alligators and I chose to believe that I had a son, a strong son, who left my house to live with a new lover who looked just like me, named Johanna O’Hara. In addition, we both got married the first night in Peru. Then swiftly we divorced those peeps the day after. Damn…short honeymoon!
At the end of the week, I punched Boom Boom in the face and walked into the woods.
(Disclaimer: None of this is real and we are all gonna die. If you feel you are having an Existential Crisis, please call the following number: 719-266-2837. In fact, everyone should call this number. You’ll love it.)
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