Dear Doctor: my husband recently lost a lot of money in the stock market. He got in way over his head. It was totally his fault. We aren’t super wealthy but we’re not poor either. How do I deal with the fact that he just crippled us for the next five years and that he feels horrible about it and can barely get off the couch to bathe?
– Dallas Buyers Not
DBN! Cool. you played a hand and lost this time. This is a great learning experience for you and your HusBand. Years ago I got stuck in a circular driveway. I could not get out, without driving over the lawn. Think about that for a while. It was such a bummero. That is Spanish for bummer. Fucking circular driveways.
Dear Doctor: what’s the best drug you’ve ever taken?
– Suzie Cranberry
I once had a smoothie in Florida, Massachusetts. I didn’t sleep or feel hunger for three weeks.
Dear Doctor: my boyfriend eats with the pace of drag racer. Seriously, I will have taken two bites of dinner and he’s done. It’s as if he just tips the plate in front of his face and all the food disappears. Part of me is impressed, part terrified, but it’s putting a real damper on our meal time, both at home and out in restaurants. What do I do?
– Clive Owingsforth
Hello Clive Owingsforth, Hmmm…I am not familiar with any rules on eating pace, but I figure you have a few options depending on what quality of person you are:
- Publicly shame him. Say some really terrible things in front of his friends, with the hope he will decide your way of thinking is best.
- Enter him in one of those hot dog eating contests.
- Get a jar of peanut butter and slather it “somewhere” and sit back and let him do what he does best. Wink, wink…
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